Taken back to the cleaners

For this post, I'm simply mostly re-printing the text of an email I sent my husband. I returned to the Scene Of The Crime with the much-too-tiny coat that I got from them, in an attempt to see if they'd maybe checked into this missing-coat business.

Apparently, here's what happened. It doesn't matter that neither I nor anyone else in this house wears a size 4, and the fact that the coat I got back from the cleaner's just happens to be the same color AND BRAND as the one I do own is merely a weird coincidence. Apparently, I did not bring in my coat. I brought in someone else's coat, and of course how that coat got in my house is none of their concern. And, by the way, it was covered--COVERED, do you hear me?????--with animal hair. Lots of it. Not one, not two, but three different employees of this establishment went out of their way to point out to me that this particular coat was really, really covered with animal hair. I mean, how could I let something get that covered with animal hair? It was disgusting, and a real inconvenience to them apparently because they felt the need to stress about six times that this coat was covered with animal hair and they had to de-lint it before they could clean it because otherwise that messes up the machines and it was really a problem because it was taking one person away from all the rest of the stuff he should have been doing because he had to get ALL THAT ANIMAL HAIR OFF THAT COAT!!!!!! Anyway, apparently this is relevant because it means they really, really remember this coat and it came in with the other stuff I brought in. They know that because they wrote down, right on the slip, that the coat was COVERED IN ANIMAL HAIR and there's no way they messed that up. Really. End of story.

So. I never brought in a 3/4 length black coat of the same brand as this one. And I brought in that full-length size 4 coat, goddammit. And did I mention that I'm just a freaking pig for letting it get that COVERED IN ANIMAL HAIR????? Jesus Christ but I am a worthless human being for doing that to them. So now I'm having a beer. And contemplating writing them an apology letter for their collective business trauma.

Needless to say, I am never getting my coat back. Also, I'm looking for a new dry cleaner.