An Open Letter

Dear Stupidass Punks Who Are Trying to Ruin My Town:

I just hate you. OK, well, "hate" is a strong word since I don't know you personally. In fact, I may represent you (or at least your older relatives) from time to time and when you're my clients I often sort of like you. And logically of course it's not any more OK for you to mess up East Cleveland neighborhoods than for you to mess up mine. But this is my neighborhood, dammit, and you punks can't have it.

Yesterday, I took my kids to the Coventry Street Fair. It was fantastic. We only live a few blocks from Coventry and it was a picture-perfect gorgeous weather day, so we walked. We went at about 1:30 in the afternoon and stayed more than two hours. It's of course possible to go to something like this and drop a wad of cash, but it's also very possible to go and have a great time and not spend a dime. Local bands and other performers provided live entertainment. Area artisans had incredible crafts, jewelry, and artwork for sale. Coventry Street restaurants had food tents out in full force (the Bodega spread was to die for--I was kind of sorry I'd eaten lunch right before we left). The vibe was relaxed, funky, and totally family friendly. My girls watched stilt-walkers, bands, and a juggler, ate popcorn and slushies and saw a few friends, and Thalia even got herself a slammin' airbrush tattoo. I bought some incredible tomatoes from a local farmer.

And because there was some unpleasantness last year at the only street fair all summer, they made some changes this year. Instead of three hours during the evening, they moved the fair to Sunday afternoon, noon to six. The idea was to spread the time out so that they could simultaneously accommodate more total people and make it less packed. Success! A great time was had by all.

And then this. This had to go and happen. A bunch of stupid, idiot, punkass kids--many from elsewhere--go and piss all over the picnic table. Seriously, what the hell? Street fairs like this one are exactly the sort of thing that draw people to Cleveland Heights and make people like me love living here. Or at least, for now that's true. This is the second one of these in a row where there have been problems, and pretty soon vendors aren't going to want to set up shop there. People definitely aren't going to want to bring their younger children if they think they'll be trampled in a stampede of dumbasses or tased by cops. And the kids who are actually from the Heights? You're even worse. You're trashing your own place and everyone in it. You're playing right into stupid (and sometimes thinly-veiled racist) stereotypes about this town being unsafe. Oh, and congratulations on giving the cops ample reason to behave like a bunch of thugs at the next one. That was well thought out.

I know this is a pointless rant. Teenagers are, well, kind of stupid. It's how they are. Reflecting on long-term consequences isn't for the most part in their hard-wiring. I get that. And, frankly, I'm sure I'll take my kids to the one next month. Because they love going, they have a great time, and because I believe in supporting local stuff like this. But we're for damn sure going to be out of there by 3:00 in the afternoon. And I'm going to be nervous that the one in July might turn out to be the last one.

Nice job, a-holes.